short funny quotations

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."Short funny quotes by, Ronald Reagan

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."Short funny quotes by, Tommy Lasorda

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."Short funny quotes by, Jim Wohford "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told he looked cool.Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra

"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosby

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein