funny quotations - funny quotes

If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
--George Muncaster (Air Force Wisdom)

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in
fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
- Robert Frost

Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown.
One lion said to the other ...

"Does this taste funny to you?"
- Unknown

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis

I'm a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I'm working.
- Peter Sellers

Great Britain and the United States are nations
separated by a common language.
- George Bernard Shaw

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
- Buster Keaton

short funny quotations

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."Short funny quotes by, Ronald Reagan

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."Short funny quotes by, Dean Martin

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."Short funny quotes by, Tommy Lasorda

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."Short funny quotes by, Jim Wohford "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told he looked cool.Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra

"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson Short funny quotes by, Yogi Berra

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."Short funny quotes by, Bill Cosby

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."Short funny quotes by, Albert Einstein

romantic sweet love quotes

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart...Helen Keller

At the touch of Love every one becomes a poet. Plato

If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever.

i get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because i know, even if its just for a second, that i've crossed your mind.

nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Fine guys open my eyes, smart guys open my mind but only a sweet guy can open my heart.
you know you're in love when reality is better than any dream..

· "Love is something eternal, The aspect may change, But not the essence." Vincent Van Gogh